Sack Cloth

Next week I will find myself sitting down with some of the higher echelons of the Conservative Party in London. The Serf now moves in powerful circles!! So much so that I have been looking for a new suit.

Why, I hear you ask, are such people asking the Coffee Serf to attend dinner. Is it that on the eve of taking power they are worried that the coffee is not up to scratch in Westminster? Could it be that the latest expense scandal has meant that people with taste are now reduced to drinking an Instant. Ironic I thought, that the current batch of MP's are wearing sack-cloth - not too dissimilar to the material from which our delicious brew emanates.

The Post Hoc Ergo Propter Hoc Fallacy

Because I do this, does not necessarily give rise to that. It may have happened anyway!!

Believing that having a nice shiny espresso machine and a fancy packet of coffee is the reason that the establishment is busy is not always true. It could well be busy due to the competition being even worse!

I was in Gloucester at the weekend and after the usual traipsing around the shops on a busy Saturday, I thought I would treat myself to my favourite tipple, namely an Espresso con Panna. Eager in anticipation and salivating like Pavlov's dog, imagine my disappointment when I was handed my nectar. Oh dear! This coffee is probably one of the easiest coffees to make and this high street chain completely bastardised it. The cream had been ejected by flatulence and decorated the rim with just as much grace.

To add insult to injury, the cafe was packed - I fear more to do with their location than their product. The fancy adverts in the window purporting that their coffee was the best was indeed a fallacy.

At the top of the mountain

We all stand on a peak whose height is determined by our experiences. Some stand on mighty mountains while others view the world from a lesser altitude.

It struck me the other day with this thought, that the time that we dwell in the past is inversely proportional to the expectations of future experiences. Is this why time seems to go faster as we get older - perhaps.

What has this got to do with coffee - well nothing really, only in that I was sipping a rather fine Mexican Liquid Amber infusion revelling in the snug duvet of contentment wanting one more minute of present, knowing that the imminent future was going to be ever so slightly less bright.

Tea and Solvent Abuse called Decaf Coffee

I am sitting here, writing this while sipping a cup of tea - yes, I know. What on earth has prompted the Coffee Serf to succumb to the Devil's Spawn? Tea is not necessarily the antithesis to a coffee lovers pallette, but in this blog there is a hint of Hades wafting from the gates of fermented tea leaves.

The reason for this rare infringement was caused by an attack to the neurons transmitting the ghastly experience generated from a decaf coffee blend that dared not state its origin. It was cheap and had used solvent to drag the caffeine out and quite frankly one could tell.

Papua New Guinea

Oscillating between the effects of caffeine and the soporific effects of sea air, I find my self at the start of this simple sine wave.
No espresso machine today, so we have the advantage of using my trusty cafetiere and todays experience is from Papua New Guinea. Now given that my eyelids feel like the arms of a weedy man doing press ups, anything seems appealing at this time of the morning. Even the name conjures up images of friendly people in rainforests.

OK, now for the all important tasting. At first I was not too impressed - but wait just a minute (no really I mean it) and you get a really great cup of coffee - there is plenty of flavour there, a hint of pleasant acidity, good rounded balance in the mouth. There are no Jilly Goulden or Oz Clarke moments but this is coffee not wine. One doesn't need verbal explosions at this time in the morning.

Freda has a following. Fish and Coffee!!

Now look here people, Freda may look cute and cuddly but if The Serf can't get the milk then she is a bad cow!! I have told her that she has had several emails saying that she is quite right to cross her legs, but that doesn't excuse her.

Anyway, she did relent in the end, but wanted to pass on her good wishes and thanks to those who emailed in and showed some cow appreciation.

OK, back on message. I was on the Solent at the weekend catching the only Mackerel within a 100 mile radius (very proud of myself) and at the end of a long day, coffee was made. I say, coffee, but it was that ground up instant stuff that resembles gravy. Anyway, I was tired, the sun had got to me and I was glowing in pride at the my catch, so I relented and accepted the Bisto. Well, it was the best darn coffee..... No actually it wasn't but it got me thinking - is taste a state of mind? Do our perceptions and environment have a bigger impact on our senses than we think

Coffee versus Coffee

In Orwell's 1984, there was painted a nightmare world where information was kept from the proletariat. Ignorance was the weapon that the state used against the population. It seemed that 'Education will set you free' (sounds like a Labour soundbite).

Rather than ignorance, our society is bathed in information from every direction but the effect is ironically the same. The information that should elevate us to a position of knowledge is obscured by a opaque screen of banality.

So what has all this got to do with coffee? Well, how much of our opinion of coffee is from received wisdom, or the fancy packet, or the story of how wonderful the farmers are (which of course they are)? Is our view of coffee moulded by the advertising, the logos, the brand the fancy name from where it comes? Probably - so I have a challenge for you all, - buy something that you don't usually have and try it, you never know you may like it.

Less is More

I was told the other day by an intrigued baffoon in a well known coffee bar in Southampton, that the little Espresso Con Panna that I was drinking was a waste of money because it was so small. I decided not to tell him that his wife probably says the same about him.

But it got me thinking, while I was telling him that for the price, one is not experiencing volume but quality and often great things come in small packages (contrary to what his wife may say about him). I told him that to savour the delight of over 200 aromatic compounds and esters created during a devilishly complicated roasting process and to absorb the essence of what was created thousands of miles away on volcanic soils, notwithstanding the toil of the farmers who nurtured the crops, one had to experience the intensity. The conversation went as follows:

Baffoon: "But it's gone so quickly"
The Serf: "All the more reason to enjoy the pleasure more"
Baffoon: "I get more for my money"
The Serf: "Do you really?"
The Serf: "What will you do while you drink you coffee?"
Baffoon: "Read the newspaper"
The Serf: "The coffee is a side issue then. In essence you are paying the cafe £2.95 for the time spent on reading a paper for 30 minutes, and the cafe has given you a coffee while you do it - that's not good value!!".
Baffoon: "You're odd"
The Serf: "No, you're deluded"

Here ended the exchange.

The Pinnacle of Coffee

The Serf is has always been a fan of Latte Art as it sets aside those who think they know how to make a good coffee from those who actually can. Naturally the Serf is now an expert given that 4,562 gallons of milk and 6 month hard frothing have now passed. Freda the cow, who up until now has willingly given her milk for the cause, is now crossing her legs in protest. MOOOOooooo!!!!

I will cajole Freda with some fresh grass to relinquish some more of her juices, but until then, here is a short video of one I have just done - definitely not perfect, hence my need for Freda to uncross her legs.

Quebradon Colombian first thing in the morning.

OK people, here we go, ready yourselves for another fantastic tasting confabulation.
A new morning heralds a new tasting and todays victim is Swiss water decaffeinated Colombian coffee from the Quebradon region.

First thing to note is how dark it is roasted. It is far from being roasted to within an inch of its useful life, but usually to get the best from Colombians (the beans, not the people), they are generally roasted lighter, but not always - lets see what this one is like.

Expectedly the crema that forms is dark, the aroma is buttery, not too dissimilar to popcorn. The taste is definitely Colombian, beautifully smooth, but hang on a second - what's that overtone? It's subtle but definitely there. To me it tastes like burnt toast that's been smothered in Utterly Butterly, but in coffee it is Utterly not what it's meant to taste like. Colombian coffees should caress the palate and tantalise the tongue in a merry dance that makes one conclude that expectations can indeed be exceeded.

The search goes on in our mission to beat the Colombian from the Popyan region, but in the words of frustrated father driving his children on a clogged motorway, - 'Nope, we're not there yet'.

Swiss Water Decaf from Sumatra

Now I usually consign decaffeinated coffee to the in-tray marked waste, but lets be fair..... Actually lets not be fair, what is the point of a firework if it doesn't go bang. Yeah yeah, those Roman Candle things do an ok job of wooing the crowds for 5 seconds, but us hardcore Fawksian admirers want a meaty rocket don't we?

So you can imagine when this coffee came in for a tasting, I was less than amused. Was I going to think I was wasting a good slurp? The reason for this tasting was that our usual Colombian Swiss Water decaf was rather off menu and we needed a substitute prompto. Now the advantage of the Swiss Water process is that it does not use that rather toxic methyl tetrachloride to drag the reluctant caffeine molecules from the comfort of the bean. Instead the beans are washed in a solution of water that persuades only the caffeine to exit (what a waste).

Looks can be deceiving as it looks like the beans have been roasted a touch too high, but brewed as a cafetiere we all had a go in the office. I really wanted to like this . The very first impression was from the aroma which was distinctly fruity, unlike the Colombian that we tasted side by side which was vanillary. Anyway, the Sumatran was sipped and ...... well it is a bit rough me thinks, a little like licking the inside of a tobacco leaf (and not one that has just been rubbed on the thighs of a virgin). Not that the lady's thighs would change the opinion in this case, as it is a coffee that is beyond many redeeming features.

Nope, the Serf won't sticking this one his Christmas list. In comparison to the Colombian that makes up the the MIYA decaf range, the MIYA wins hands down.

No Country for Old Coffee

It's monday morning and the sun is shining and I am sitting by my computer with an espresso that has just been handed to me. I act grateful, put on a smile, feign sincerity, but secretly I am thinking I should get off my backside and open a new packet and make it again.

For the coffee beans that have come thousands of miles and have been grown for months soaking up those volcanic nutrients somewhere in South America, it seems a shame that their fate should rightfully be down a plug hole without having the opportunity to impress. I should act like Simon Cowell and give them short shrift and send them packing. I consider the risk benefit of the effort to make the coffee again with fresh beans against the increased pleasure that I will attain. I am ashamed to say that I choose to benefit from the saved effort.

Ten minutes have gone past, I have had one sip and now it's gone cold!! That one sip had been enough. The beans have had their opportunity and I have blown it, not because I didn't drink them, but because I didn't have them last week. Now that is a shame.